Touching the Stars
by sittingoverheredreaming
Summary: Sometimes Finn can't see how good he really is. Rey always can. Mild hurt/comfort.


There are nights, sometimes, when he can't escape the weight of what he really is. Finn slips out of the barracks. He makes his way outside, as if walking will clear his head, as if walking will prevent them all from realizing they've been deceived. The sky is clear, awash with the light of a million distant suns. Finn thinks of Rey's eyes. That makes it worse. He's a Storm Trooper, just a Storm Trooper. Not a real resistance fighter, not a good man. He was never meant to touch the stars like this.

"Finn."

He closes his eyes, of course she has followed him. She's a terribly light sleeper, he's noticed.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Just talking a walk. I like to walk."

She moves in front of him to look him in the eye. "You're very stationary for someone walking."

Finn has to laugh. She has a way of doing that. "I guess that's true."

"Are you going to tell me what's on your mind?" There's a challenge in her voice, but gentleness in her eyes. She takes his hands in hers.

"It's nothing important."

Rey merely waits.

"I'm nothing important."

"Finn." Her eyebrows draw together like he'd hurt her. He pulls away, makes good on his claim to walking and paces back and forth, never looking at her.

"I don't—I mean, I'm just not like you, or Poe, or anyone here. Especially you, you're a Jedi. Light of the galaxy. And I—I belong on the other side of that. Or, I don't, but all I can do is run, Rey, I'm not—"

She grabs him from behind, tight around his middle. She presses her forehead to his shoulder, just to the side of where he still feels the tightness of the light saber scar. "Stop. Please."

His hands find their way back to hers without him thinking about it. "Rey. I'm a Storm Trooper."

Her fingers squeeze his tight. "You are much more than that. But if you weren't, what would it matter?" She lifts her head to let it lean against his. "That wouldn't change how brave you are, how kind."

Finn lets out a self-deprecating chuckle. "I'm not brave."

Rey slips her hands out of his and under his shirt. Her fingers trace the scar down his back so lightly he cannot help but shiver. "Many would beg to differ." She lifts his shirt up to his arms. He feels exposed as she looks; no one but Doctor Kalonia has seen. "I would be among them." She touches him again.

It's a mark of failure. The physical manifestation of all he can never be. "Don't." He moves and she does not follow. "You're going to realize, one day, that all these things you think about me are wrong. You're going to se that the thing I've done—they aren't… they aren't these big brave things people think they are. I've only ever done what I had to do."

"You didn't have to come back for me. You didn't have to fight Ren."

"Yeah, I did."

Rey is quiet for a long moment. "I don't think I can change your mind. But Finn—" She reaches to take his arm but stops short. "Even if you had never done everything I call brave, if all you had done was take my hand, you'd still be the dearest person in the galaxy to me."

His smile makes him feel all the closer to crying. "You didn't seem to like it at the time." Finn dares to look at her. There's more than starlight gleaming in her eyes.

"There isn't much friendly touching on Jakku." Rey tries to smile, but her breath catches in the middle. "You're the first family I've had, Finn. I'm not going to leave you behind."

He leans in and lets her hold him. She is warm; she is real. He finds himself believing that she believes he is something, even if he can't conceive of it himself.

"Do you want to see it?" he asks. "All of it?"

Rey nods. He pulls his shirt over his head. Her eyes stay on his for a long moment before moving down to the jagged scar on the right side of his chest, and he realizes he's showing her more than just his wounds. She walks around him to she the long swipe down his back.

And her lips press against its base.

Finn gasps as her soft motions move upwards. When she reaches his shoulder, he turns to meet her with an urgency he's never expressed. One of her hands alights on the wound at his chest. He cannot fathom what to do with his own hands so he holds it there with both. Rey presses close. Her free hand holds him at the curve of his ribs, nearly as warm and soft as her mouth against his. It's a warmth that spreads, burns, makes it feel like his heart is expanding in his chest. The light of stars scorches when held so close.

She pulls him towards the ground though her guidance is gentle, his balance is off and he barely catches himself in time to keep from falling on top of her. Rey smiles. She reaches up and strokes his cheek. If she minds being pinned beneath him, she does not show it. "Did you ever see the night sky on Jakku?"

"No, but I imagine it's much more pleasant than the day."

She laughs. "You're not wrong. It's beautiful, you can see more stars than you can here, arms of galaxies and moons bright enough to be small suns." She presses her lips together. "It's beautiful, but untouchable from the ground I knew I'd never leave." Rey casts her gaze away from his eyes. "Sometimes I forget you're not like that." She traces patterns long his chest with her fingers. "It's hard to believe I can touch you. That you're here."

Finn lowers himself to the ground next to her, pulls her close with one arm. "I guess a lot of things are pretty unbelievable." He presses his forehead into her hair. "But I'm here."

She snuggles into his chest. "We'll just have to keep being here until we start believing."

Finn closes his eyes and listens to her breathing. "I can do that." He feels her smile against his skin, and he can feel starlight shining inside him.


End file.
